Savoring My Birthday

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Even though I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, I still celebrated every birthday. I used to live for them.  It could be because I’m a little contrary, and telling a younger me “no,” always made me want it more. But nonetheless, for a full 24 hours, the only thing that would come out of my mouth would be, “it’s my birthday!”  My family kindly and lovingly would put up with my antics and dramatics - except for my one request to have whipped icing on my cake and not buttercream. 

It wasn’t until I turned 18, that the enjoyment and thrill I got from my birthday started to fade away. It wasn’t because I didn’t enjoy my birthday, it was more so that I was in an environment where no one cared about my birthday. I moved out of my Mom’s home (not by choice) and moved in with a toxic partner. Our relationship consumed all aspects of my life, including my birthday. Over a few years, the excitement I would feel for the day of my birth, turned into an intense dread. My worries went from, “Am I going to get whipped icing this year?,” to “Are we going to argue all day?” 

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All of that changed in the month of June. For the first time in my adult life, I’ve cut all ties from that person. It’s completely new terrain for me. In many ways, I relied on them - but with my new found independence I want to reclaim the pieces of me I felt I had lost to gain security. And one of those things I’m reclaiming and bringing into this new chapter of my life is my birthday. Even though I had hoped for my 22nd year on this Earth to be one of the best, just because “2” is my favorite number. It’s time I lick my wounds, accept the highs and lows of this year and grow from it all. 

This year I was not emotionally ready for a big, overly-complicated birthday  - I just wanted to enjoy the day. 

So that’s exactly what I did, I savored a slow day. I went to bed after doing a relaxing DIY oatmeal face mask made with Kush Queens Bare CBD oil (I will share the recipe with you all soon!) and awoke on my birthday morning (June 30th) to glowing skin. Also to the intense heat rolling off the body of my little fur-baby, Mako - and the obscenely loud chirping of finches outside my window. The perfect start to any day. I laid in bed for a few moments, just absorbing the sounds and warmth from around me. Until my eyes started to shut again. It was time to get up, I had gotten too comfortable - and honestly, the blunt from the night before was still hitting me. I kind of feel like I slithered out of my bed and into the kitchen to make my first french press as a 23-year-old! Yes, I’m the corny person who's like, “Wow, this is my first *insert any insignificant action* as an *insert age*.” 

But that’s how I spent most of the day! I found myself digesting and re-digesting this new transition in my age and life. Kind of shocked, happy and in awe at the ability to choose what I want to do with my time, without having to worry about what anyone else has to think about it. These small moments felt and still feel, so big. 

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This blog was originally supposed to be about my birthday picnic, which was amazing and delicious. I just couldn’t bring myself to write about the perfectly charred sambal chicken skewers or the buttery homemade strawberry shortcakes - when what mattered most to me was that I was able to enjoy the day and my life.

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DIY bare Face Mask recipes are coming to the blog soon! Until then, check out these DIY Defynt CBD Masks!!

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